April 2012 was a rather awful month, if we’re being completely honest about it. It had officially been one year since I started college and it was a month in which I painfully learned a tremendous amount about myself, my future, and what God required from me. People whom I had called my friends drained me emotionally and then betrayed my trust and I was left confused and exhausted. I was still studying for tests and writing essays and studying physics with my grandfather in the midst of all of it and this was the month when I clearly saw and decided that I was supposed to become a biblical counselor.
As a result of feeling completely overwhelmed and fed up with just about everything and everyone and all the drama I had just dealt with my online “friends,” early in April, I decided to take an official hiatus from online interactions, especially those that were CollegePlus related. I was “gone” from that online world for just about three months and there was just one little thing that was strangely out-of-the-ordinary in my mind. I thought about Austin a lot. No one else. Just him. That guy I never really ever talked too …What?
Those three months were supposed to be a break from everything and instead I found it impossible to get a certain person out of my thoughts. I just wanted to be friends with him. Right? I didn’t believe in having crushes. They’re completely and totally ridiculous and a waste of time. I was the girl who, at thirteen, decided that she was never getting married. More recently, that vehement desire to avoid marriage at all costs had dulled into just a subtle, “Meh. Not interested right now. Maybe one day.” Besides, I was only seventeen and I was uninterested in getting married young and never planned on tying the knot before I was twenty-five at least. The idea of getting married young repulsed me because didn’t I have my own plans and my own life to live first? I was also still neck-deep in school and I had just gotten myself out of a whole messy drama fest and I had no desire to experience anything like that ever again. Probably best just to stay single forever.
Ha. Man plans and God laughs.
May was the month in which God brought me to my knees in realizing how short life is and how my only goal is to glorify my Savior forever. I studied biblical counseling and dived deep into the Bible making discoveries about who God is and what life is and exactly what it looks like to be a woman who honors Him. I let go of the world and this fleeting time on earth and surrendered my will to my Heavenly Father’s. I finally learned what it felt to be secure in knowing that Jesus is enough and has always been enough and will always be enough and that passion was burning inside me when I got my wisdom teeth removed.
Austin had gotten his out just a few weeks before mine were ruthlessly extracted from my mouth and the only reason I knew this was because I was still silently stalking people online without actually participating in the discussions myself. Ahem. Anyway, I was terrified of the ordeal that awaited me. Austin, calm, steady, constant, dependable man that he is went all Thor on the nurses (you all know that rather violent scene…) and I was scared to death that I would do something equally as horrible or say something completely incriminating while under anesthesia. Thankfully, I made it through the experience unscathed, just with four teeth fewer, and life went on. I spent a week recovering and found that the new perspectives I was discovering about God and life were consuming my thoughts and weren’t leaving any room left over for the midwest boy with the deep thoughts.by