March 10th, 2014. Everything changed.
It was an unsuspecting spring day. The weather was mild and my plans included cleaning around the house to prepare for the impending arrival of the Nuts and visiting the bookstore with my Poppop. I most certainly did not expect my world to change as drastically as it did. My mom was out running errands and my dad was taking a phone call outside. This was not unusual for him since he had started working from home. I washed dishes and organized my desk and kept busy in little productive ways. Once my mom returned home, she and my dad vanished into their room to talk. This usually means that something is wrong, or one of us was in trouble, neither of which is a particularly good scenario. When they eventually called me in, I feared the worst. I had done something terribly wrong and now I was going to be chastised about it. When my dad finally told me what was going on, he said the last words I was expecting to hear,
“So Cass, there’s a young man who wants to get to know you better. How do you feel about that?”
My answer? “I don’t have time for a relationship right now.”
Yep. That’s what I said. Exactly. Word-for-word. (I told you that I was completely and totally uninterested in matrimony and I meant it.)
After a lengthy discussion about whether or not I was ready and if my parents approved of the guy (who was still, at this moment, unnamed,) I told my dad that I wouldn’t be able to give an official answer either way until I knew who it was (because, in the back of my mind, I knew that the only person I wouldn’t have turned-down on the spot was a certain person in Illinois because I already knew him so well.)
I think that’s the moment I went into shock. I had hoped to hear that for so long and yet I felt … absolutely nothing. No excitement. No joy. Just confusion. Great.
“Well, I guess we can give it a shot.”
Again. My words exactly. (minus any and all enthusiasm you might have accidentally read that with.)
Next, I had an emotional breakdown that lasted for over forty-eight hours. Seriously. I hardly remember going to the bookstore that afternoon. I was in a daze at work the next day. And I couldn’t sleep or eat for a week. I was a wreck and I had to work a lot of hours and guess what? A week after he called to talk to my dad, he was coming to visit with the rest of the Nuts.
For the past three months, I had grown to not being interested in pursuing anything like that at all. Especially not this year. I had spent hours praying that God allow me to focus and not have any feelings for Austin (or for anyone, for that matter) and He had answered my prayer and took all of that away from me. Obviously, I knew I wanted to get married one day, but I hoped that day was still several years away. And yes, I did still kinda view Austin as possibly having the potential of being more than just a friend, but still. How could he ever like me? Seriously? I am so flawed. I have so many issues. He’s way out of my league.
A few days after Austin called my dad, I finally got to talk to him on the phone for myself and figure out WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON?
Besides the fact that I was terribly nervous (which I shouldn’t have been because, let’s be honest, he was still one of my best friends) and the the fact that it was easily the most awkward phone call of my life, I felt a bit better afterwards. At least I could talk to him again. Semi-freely. But it was still a little bit weird and a lot bit awkward and I won’t pretend that it wasn’t.
Soon he was going to be arriving with Drew and his mom and Naomi was coming with her brother and, here I was. An absolute mess with no clue how I was going to get through the coming week.by